Lost in a Bubble

As of late I have felt lost and confused and very alone.  I have felt isolated from everyone else around me like I was in a bubble or something.  I have been so busy with school and work I have gotten into the habit of coming home and shutting myself into my room every night.  Not until a few days ago did this bubble of isolation burst. I can pin point the exact moment when I realized that my isolation had become completely unhealthy. My mother called and left a message on my phone telling me that my cousin had her baby.  She gave birth to a little boy and he has Down Syndrome. That’s all I know.  I tried calling her back to find out something more, a name or something like that but I couldn't reach anyone. I came home from work and I actually found a craving for human interaction.  Until this point the only human interaction I had participated in was necessary, such as work and school.  So I took a look around and realized that my hermit like habits had started to hurt my friends.  Since this realization I have tried to make more concerted effort to stop being so hermit like.  Shutting myself into my room is not a very healthy habit and I need to stop worrying so much about my classes. My parents keep telling me to get out of the dorms and have more fun, but sometimes that’s just easier said then done. I have to get good grades so I have to work really hard in and out of my classes. I have never missed a single class; I even go to class when I am sick! I have to go to work so I can make money and pay my rent starting in May because my parents won't pay for my housing anymore.  I have never missed a single day of work and I have never been late either. I am a very responsible person, much more responsible then I would like to be.  I wish I could just sleep in late one day. I wish I could just not worry about classes and call in one day at work, but for some reason I just cannot make myself do any of these things. I hate being responsible. I hate not being capable of letting loose and going to parties and not worrying about my homework or the bills.  I just cannot help but wonder what happened to my youth? What happened to the days when I had nothing to worry about other then having fun and being a kid? I can't remember those days. All I remember is the pressure to be smarter, get better grades, and do more extra-curricular activities. And for what purpose? I was pushed to do all of these things in order to prepare me for college, so I could be a well-rounded student. I don't remember really relaxing in high school either. In middle school I remember mainly just going about my studies and trying to prepare myself for the rigors of high school. I feel like I have always been preparing myself for the next big step and in the end I have just screwed myself over.  I never really had fun.  I never really got the chance to relax and just enjoy life.  I was and still to this day am always on the move, always busy going from one activity to another.  I always have something on my mind; did I finish that paper or when is that speech due again? My mind is never at rest and I am so exhausted from the constant flow of thought. I just want to relax. However now that I am done with this web log I will just move on to the next most pressing matter.  I move on to a history paper, and then preparing for a speech, next I must cite my sources for English, and then I continue on to studying for three tests I have next week.

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