I got a tattoo last week. My first and only tattoo of a sculpted sliver of a moon with dark storm clouds in the background and one magnificent star in the front. Jason got a tattoo (his third) of a sun with tetris shaped rays of light and storm clouds and a similar star. The styles are very different but they are also similar in ways as well. I think they really define us well; we can be night and day and have so many differences but still be connected to each other.
I refuse to walk into our bedroom right now because all of his civilian clothes are laying out waiting to be put away, he couldn't take any back with him to Iraq, and I can't see them without crying. I was really holding up well about everything until the very last minute at the airport. The first and second times that he left I was balling from the minute we got in the car to go to the airport but this time I held strong. It was when they called his row for the plane and he shook his father's hand that I lost my control over my emotions. I couldn't help but cry and I didn't want to let go of him as he hugged me but I knew from past experiences I was only going to make things harder for him so I let him go.
I maintained my cool on the two-hour ride back to our house because I was riding with his sister and brother and father. The minute I shut the door to the house I could no longer control my tears. I was just getting used to him being gone and he came back. I was just getting used to him being back and now he is gone again. Sammy (Uncle Sam) our puppy keeps sniffing around his shoes at the door and whining. I can almost hear him asking, "Where did my play toy go? Where is the man who chases me around the backyard? When will he come back? Why isn't he here anymore?" in a little childlike voice.
I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I had a rhythm before he came home. I did everything in a certain order and now I am lost. I can only sit here and wonder where he is in the world. Did they send him to Germany from Atlanta or back the way he came through Ireland? Either way it is a long trip he has ahead of him and I will not hear from him until he gets to either Kuwait (if I am lucky) or Iraq (if I am not so lucky) but either way it will be a few days. I think I have regained enough composure to venture into the rest of the house, savoring the memories of the past two weeks.